The Art of Slowing Down

By: Chris Bornheimer, BS, Intern

We live in a day and age that tells us: having and doing more is better and this will bring us happiness. Everything we do is fast paced and made to be as efficient as possible to allow us to fit even more into our already busy schedules. While I think there are definitely benefits to making things efficient, we run the risk of losing the ability to slow down and really soak in the present. I want to give an example from my life that opened my eyes to the need to slow down and a couple of techniques I have used that have helped me.

What really opened my eyes for my personal need to slow down was when the fun activities I had scheduled turned into trying to just get through them and onto the next activity. I call this not being able to turn off the rush and I think it can be illustrated well through one of the vacations I went on. I’ll use a weekend at the lake for an example.

I’ve been blessed to have a friend whose family has a place at the lake and is kind enough to invite me to stay for a relaxing weekend. Friday rolls around and it has been a busy week. I am finally done with everything and ready for a relaxing weekend, but it’s as if relaxation is just out of my reach. I begin to rush and pack all my stuff, thinking of all the activities to do at the lake that would make for a restful weekend. I hurry into my car and begin the journey to the lake. I am still in rush mode thinking that once I arrive then I will be able to relax. On the highway me being rushed to arrive is causing my frustration to elevate “I can’t believe this guy is only going 70mph when the speed limit is 70mph, you should at least be going 5 over”. I finally arrive and begin to rush to get all my things inside, I tell myself once everything is in and unpacked, I will be able to relax.

Once everything is inside, I have still not turned off the rush. I need to start checking off all the boxes of the activities that I thought would make for a relaxing weekend. We go out and float on the lake, but my mind jumps to are we going to have time to take the boat out. We end up going out on the boat, but I am already thinking about dinner and what comes next. I am at the lake but still in rush mode trying to get all the activities in that I thought would make for a restful weekend. The weekend comes to a close and it is time for me to rush back home so I can get ready for the busy week ahead. While I have slightly exaggerated this story it is not far off from what I used to experience, and I praise God that He revealed to me my need to slow down and has helped me work on this in my life. By no means do I never rush anymore, but I am learning to slow down, say no to people/plans, and live in the present. Here are a few things that have helped me and I hope they can help you.

The first thing that helped me was being aware of my need to slow down and realizing slowing down will never happen if I keep pushing it off to the next thing. What if in my lake example, instead of hopping in my car and rushing to the lake I took 5 minutes to slow down, take a few breaths, acknowledged my busy week, and make a conscious choice to live present in that moment. Let’s not just get to the lake, lets enjoy the ride. Maybe that looks like finding a good episode of a podcast you love, creating a playlist of songs you can enjoy, or having a friend or two to call and catch up with. The big thing here is choosing to slow down and enjoy the moment now instead of saying “Once I get to blank then I can slow down or rest”.

While I used the example of a vacation where I fully had the option to slow down, I get that life can get busy and sometimes there is no choice but to have a busier schedule and be more rushed than you would like. That being said, try and implement the next couple recommendations the best you can.

First, try to schedule some margin in between meetings/activities on your schedule. For example, if you have a meeting that is 30 minutes away and you can leave a margin of 35 minutes to get there, do that. Then instead of having to stress every red light or slow driver, you can be less stressed and show up to the meeting in a more relaxed state.

Another important skill to develop is the art of saying no. I love the analogy that we all have a cup within us and during the day we engage in some activities that require us to pour into others and some activities that fill our cups. Once your cup is empty it can be almost impossible to pour into others until you fill your cup back up. Not being able to say no to people will end up many times in you trying to operate with an empty cup. So a couple things here.

First, begin learning what activities/people fill your cup and what activities/people drain your cup. This does not mean that the activities/people that drain your cup are bad, in many instances these are great activities, but if you engage in them with an empty cup, it will be hard to be effective or give your full attention to that person.

Second, when asked to do something, learn to take inventory of where you are at before responding yes or no. For example, if you are reaching the end of a long day, feeling like you have poured into people all day, and a friend reaches out asking you to grab dinner, take a second and ask yourself: Is spending time with this friend an activity that fills my cup, or is it a friend who needs you to be there pouring into them at a high emotional level. If it’s a friend that is more draining, you can still be honest with them and say no. You could say, “Hey while I would love to grab dinner tonight, today has left me really depleted, how about we schedule a time for next week?” This will allow you to spend time resting or doing an activity that fills you. It will also be best for your friend because when you do grab dinner you will be in a place where you can pour into and be fully present with them. It will take some practice learning the activities/people who fill vs. drain you and getting to the place where you are able to say no, but it will be so life giving and can prevent burnout.

Again, I get that some people are busier than others and there are some seasons of life where you might not have the ability to leave margin or say no to some activities, but I would encourage you that even super small changes will help even if that is only putting in 5 minutes of margin a day or saying no to one activity a week.